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"The Hawks ain’t got nothing but a bunch of nice guys."
- Charles Barkley

"The Hawks ain’t got nothing but a bunch of nice guys."

- Charles Barkley

NBA Haikus - 2011-2012 Season Preview - The Southeast Division

It’s going to be a short season after an even shorter off-season. We had limited time to track player movement, team development and bring you in depth team analysis, like we did last year. So the bros and bro-ettes at NBAO decided we’ll follow in the footsteps of the NBA and provide you with abbreviated team previews in the best way possible, haikus.

Our third installment of NBA Haikus is dedicated to the Eastern Conference’s Southeast Division. This division has a ton of star power and always gets 3 teams into the playoffs despite not having a single team play in one of the top 5 television market

Eastern Conference - Southeast Division:

Atlanta Hawks:
Add a great scorer 
His name, Tracy McGrady 
A decade too late
__________ 

Charlotte Bobcats:
Can Kemba play point
Boris Diaw likes cream sauce
Bismac Biyombo
__________ 

Miami Heat:
The Big 3 play D
Stuntin’ on the Jumbotron
Quarters one through three
__________ 

Orlando Magic:
Dwight Howard won’t stay
Deal with it, Orlando fans
Please fire Otis Smith
__________ 

Washington Wizards:
Bullets hands are back
Red, white, and blue stripes are cool
Rashard makes too much
__________  

Read more NBA HaikusAtlantic DivisionCentral DivisionSoutheast DivisionNorthwest DivisionPacific DivisionSouthwest Division

Penned by the undiscovered poets of the tumblrwebs:KristinDouglasMark,ThomasSeanCarlosMichaelKeith, Parker, and Shane.


Unfortunately, this was a miss. Goodnight Atlanta. You were maybe the 2nd most pleasant surprise of the post-season. (Grizzlies)

Unfortunately, this was a miss. Goodnight Atlanta. You were maybe the 2nd most pleasant surprise of the post-season. (Grizzlies)

Watch Joe Johnson earn $5.23 of his $120,000,000 contract. 

Keith Bogans forgot to buckle up as Joe hit the breaks and sent him flying. He’s going to need some ankle therapy after that crossover.

Also facepalm myself for messing up the series record, it’s actually tied 2-2. One good thing about that mistake was that I learned that this blog has a lot of angry Bulls fans. 

@Suga_Shane

The Woefully Misinformed and Wildly Inaccurate 2011 Playoff Report

While the Lakers Nation and Red’s Army clings onto hope that their veteran squads can pull off miraculous comebacks, it’s becoming increasingly apparent that the NBA is heading back to 2006. Remember 2006? Songs like "Laffy Taffy" and "Bad Day" dominated the airwaves and a little show called, “The Hills” became an overnight pop culture senstation. It’s not that 2006 was bad year by any stretch of the imagination, I’m just not ready or eager to go back yet.

As much as I wanted to see the peak of basketball’s new wave meet in a mid west showdown, I have to face the facts. We all have to face that fact, we’re going to see the Big 2 of Miami Heat battle the unstoppable scoring machine Dirk Notwizki and the ridiculously deep bench of the Mavericks. It would a great series, no doubt and finally usher in LeBron James’ era as the king of the Association. However, this potential Finals match up seems to lack the sizzle of a Heat-Lakers final or a Lakers-Celtics final or a Heat-Thunder final or Bulls-Lakers or even Grizzlies-Heat final.

(Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

Perhaps my own issues with Mavs owner Mark Cuban is preventing me from enjoying the idea of a Mavs-Heat final. I do not like Cuban. I think his shirts are too tight and as a Lakers fan, it sucks that Cuban’s team could potentially (and most likely) end Phil Jackson’s last playoff tour. The gloating will be even more insufferable and the t-shirts will become even more tighter than before. Cuban could proudly beat his chest and say that he was responsible for sending the Lakers into a summer of despair of turmoil.

Yes, Cuban is an ideal sports owner because he cares about his team, but at times, it’s a bit too much.

Other than finding a replacement for Phil Jackson, the Staples faithful (upper bowl/300 section people) will dominate sports talk radio airwaves with trade discussions and an eagerness to start a petition to force Derek Fisher into retirement. Since the game with the Mavs in late March (the one where Matt Barnes got into with Jason Terry), the Lakers obviously fell apart and expelled whatever energy they had on the court that night and haven’t been able to find it since. Perhaps, it is time for the Lakers to rebuild with those lofty ambitions of trading for Chris Paul and Dwight Howard in the off season and unloading the apparently loathsome Pau Gasol and the injured prone Andrew Bynum. You know the same game plan that the Knicks hope to work soon in the upcoming off season (pending a lock out).

Yet there’s so much to be excited about in the NBA Playoffs! For example, the jawing and slight shoves between everybody’s new favorite player, Zach Randolph and the stoned face Kendrick Perkins of the OK City Thunder. I can only imagine if the two were actually allowed to throw down, it would be a tussle on par with the Rock and Vin Diesel tussle in Fast Five. Then again, after watching Fast Five, nothing in this current round of the NBA Playoffs seems as exciting. The much ballyhooed Heat-Celtics series has been as engaging as a game of 52 pick up.

The Bulls-Hawks match up has been about as sloppy a couple of Captain Karl Sloppy Unjoe’s. The playoffs where we expected Derrick Rose to rise to that next level and become a megastar hasn’t exactly happened yet. It’s been a struggle. Every victory for Da Bulls has been struggle.

(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

It’ll be a struggle to get the pass the Hawks and it doesn’t seem like Da Bulls will be lucky enough to struggle all their way to the finals. Unless, you get bonus points every time Carlos Boozer yells something after an offensive play. 

Yet there is a positive amongst the muck of the second round, Memphis Grizzlies V. Oklahoma City Thunder. Aside from the ZBo-Kendrick Perkins tension, there’s the apparently heavily tattooed Kevin Durant scoring a bunch of points, Russell Westbrook is taking too many shots, Grizzlies’ head coach Lionel Hollins’ great suits, the controlled chaos of Tony Allen and of course, Marc Gasol is playing the way his older brother used to play. If we can hang our hats on anything, it’s this series. Also, Zach Randolph is quickly becoming one of the most popular players in the league and it’s been fun to watch. I just wish that ZBo could jump.

If the NBA is heading back towards a 2006 flashback, we can only hope that the Mavs don’t get jobbed by the officials again. We can also hope that Kenny Smith raps again.

Verrrrrry excited for this matchup. Two of the tournament’s overwhelming favorites, both for different reasons, are squaring off today.
The Bulls logo needs no introduction, as we remember a certain 23 boosted it to undeniable prominence in the 90s. The Hawks logo is only 6 years older, but boasts a completely different look, a classic and fresh take to be sure.
This also mirrors the actual NBA playoffs… but you can affect the outcome of this one. Get voting! (and don’t forget to eat your Wheaties)

Verrrrrry excited for this matchup. Two of the tournament’s overwhelming favorites, both for different reasons, are squaring off today.

The Bulls logo needs no introduction, as we remember a certain 23 boosted it to undeniable prominence in the 90s. The Hawks logo is only 6 years older, but boasts a completely different look, a classic and fresh take to be sure.

This also mirrors the actual NBA playoffs… but you can affect the outcome of this one. Get voting! (and don’t forget to eat your Wheaties)

Rebounds can be highlights, too. Because everything in Atlanta is a highlight: the rim shops, the roller rinks, the strip malls, the strip clubs; even shot selection.
Josh Smith, maybe more than any other player in the league, is applicable to the city for which he plays. If you’re going to shoot that three, rock that three. It’s sugar sweet breezes in a city fueled on gangsta dreams. Roll up your sleeves, blow out some bubble, then take a big ole’ sweet country swing at it.
-SlapClap

Rebounds can be highlights, too. Because everything in Atlanta is a highlight: the rim shops, the roller rinks, the strip malls, the strip clubs; even shot selection.

Josh Smith, maybe more than any other player in the league, is applicable to the city for which he plays. If you’re going to shoot that three, rock that three. It’s sugar sweet breezes in a city fueled on gangsta dreams. Roll up your sleeves, blow out some bubble, then take a big ole’ sweet country swing at it.

-SlapClap

Look At This Hawks Fan.

Look At This Hawks Fan.

NBA Playoffs Throwback: Atlanta Hawks vs. Chicago Bulls, 1993 Eastern Conference First Round; Jordan coasting. 0:55 for just an insane play.

*Game 1, 8PM Monday on TNT

Zaza Pachulia and Hedo Turkoglu tentatively square off, each desperately wishing that a teammate would arrive to hold him back from a fight he’s not willing to have.
(AP photo)

Zaza Pachulia and Hedo Turkoglu tentatively square off, each desperately wishing that a teammate would arrive to hold him back from a fight he’s not willing to have.

(AP photo)

Everything about this shot was pure Jamal Crawford. 
With under 30 seconds left in a 1-point game Atlanta was up and Orlando chose not to foul. Jamal, who lives for moments like these, decided to end the game in the only way he knows how, an incredible yet brainless banked 3-pointer from 30 feet out. 
My favorite part of all of this was the behind the back with the dribble he tossed in there for absolutely no reason at all (except for the fact that he is Jamal Crawford).
Fancy stuff. 
By the way, don’t forget to check out Evan’s tumblr, litandbasketball, where basketball meets literary classics. It’s a fresh take on basketball. 
-@Suga_Shane
litandbasketball:


Most things are predestined, but some are just darn sheer luck.

- Lucy M. Montgomery, The Blue Castle

Everything about this shot was pure Jamal Crawford. 

With under 30 seconds left in a 1-point game Atlanta was up and Orlando chose not to foul. Jamal, who lives for moments like these, decided to end the game in the only way he knows how, an incredible yet brainless banked 3-pointer from 30 feet out. 

My favorite part of all of this was the behind the back with the dribble he tossed in there for absolutely no reason at all (except for the fact that he is Jamal Crawford).

Fancy stuff. 

By the way, don’t forget to check out Evan’s tumblr, litandbasketball, where basketball meets literary classics. It’s a fresh take on basketball. 

-@Suga_Shane

litandbasketball:

Most things are predestined, but some are just darn sheer luck.

- Lucy M. Montgomery, The Blue Castle

In Case You Missed It….

Atlanta Hawks big man Zaza Pachulia and Orlando Magic scorer Jason Richard got into a bit of a tussle. Heavy emphasis on bit, less emphasis on tussle.

(by dportal2006)

Hi, gotta make this quick because flying to Atlanta for research study on prefrontal cortex inside Jamal Crawford’s brain to see if it has ability to reason the limits of possibility, okay bai bye.

~SlapClap

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