Dear LeBron James,
We’re all pretty sick of this story and while some of us understand that you had to take your talents to South Beach because it was the best fit for you and your talents and your desire to achieve basketball immortality (copyright Spero Dedes), it’s pretty shitty that you announced your decision on national television. It’s almost as bad as the episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” when Cheryl called Larry when she thought her plane was going to crash and Larry hung up on her because the TIVO guy just got there. It’s that bad, LeBron.
Now, I’m not sure if you want to repair your image just yet. Perhaps, you want to become a heel like Hulk Hogan did back in the mid 90s. You have the NWO facial hair. However, if you’re interested in fixing things, please take my advice: Do The Slam Dunk Contest.
Yes, LeBron, it’s as simple as that. You have been one of the Association’s premier dunkers for who knows how long and yet you’ve continued to ignore the competition. Are you afraid of losing to somebody like Shannon Brown or worse, Nate Robinson? LeBron, if you successfully attempt and complete one dunk, you will win. It’s that easy.
You’re still going to be seen as an asshole, but you’ll be a bit more lovable. That’s why “Curb Your Enthusiasm” works. Larry David, the character, is a lovable asshole. He says funny things, does funny things, hangs out with Leon and in turn, says even funnier things. The slam dunk contest could be that moment where you start to win our heart back (well, not Ohio’s hearts and Lakers fans). You know, we won’t see you as some soulless robot who gets horrible advice from his dumb buddies. We will, hopefully, think that here’s a guy who’s comfortable with losing to Nate Robinson or DeMar DeRozen in a contest.
Just do the dunk contest, LeBron. We’re not going to sing a song or get all of our famous friends together to convince you. Just do the damn thing.
(Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)