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"And so I dub thee, King of Fifth Place!"

"And so I dub thee, King of Fifth Place!"

Aspiring Kings owner Steve Ballmer’s presentation to the NBA’s relocation committee. I am shocked that the owners went with the Sacramento group after this.

And, why the hell not? C-Webb’s not one of the better NBA rappers, but he did get Kurupt to feature on this song. It’s “Gangsta Gangsta,” which is not a cover of the N.W.A. classic, but it does name-check both Jalen Rose and Jerome Bettis. If you weren’t paying attention in the month before Super Bowl XL, let me remind you: Jerome Bettis is from Detroit

Fun fact: Chris Webber’s real first name is “Mayce.” Unfortunately, there would be no Mayce-Ma$e collaboration, as Ma$e had retired from the rap game to become a pastor by the time C-Webb was recording “2 Much Drama”. For years, this is what Hedo Turkoglu thought real hip-hop was, and it inspired his own never-released rap single “Young Turk (Hard-Nosed Playa)”.

This video is also the reason that Doug Christie’s wife became so overprotective of him: if she turned her  back for even a second, Doug would be dancing with girls in business suits and throwing invisible dice in Chris Webber’s weirdly large entryway.

Used copies of 2 Much Drama are available for $0.01 on Amazon. Act fast! There are only 21 copies left!

Ladies and gentlemen, your new Sacramento Kings owner. Mark Cuban better step up his jackass game.

thescore:

Report: Sacramento Kings moving to Seattle.

thescore:

Report: Sacramento Kings moving to Seattle.

fuckyeanba:

Tom Ziller is the lead writer for SB Nation, and a co-founder of Sactown Royalty. Today he gave readers a list of things that are worse than the Sacramento Kings:

* The Washington Wizards.
* Climate change.
* Sleeping through your alarm on the first day of work at a new job.
* Mayonnaise.
* Miracle Whip.
* The ‘Check Engine’ light.
* People who eat babies.
* A good portion of children’s television.
* A majority of adult television.
* Apple’s maps.
* Finding out the hard way that, yes, your dog can reach that box of donuts, that bag of bagels and that thawing pork shoulder.
* Not giving a few bucks to Royal Jelly 2012.
* The fact that the Lakers exist.
* George Maloof.
* George Maloof’s grin.
* George Maloof’s face.
* George Maloof’s essence.
* George Maloof’s 20-year-old perm.
* Pretty much everything about George Maloof.
* Virginia Beach.
* Henry Samueli.
* The Detroit Pistons.
* War.
* Hunger.
* Poverty.
* Polio.
* The Clap. (Or so I hear …)
* Rachael Ray’s recipe for late night bacon.
* “Mini Cheeseburger Salad with Yellow Mustard Vinegarette.”
* Being forced to yawn while riding your bike through a cloud of gnats.
* Losing a tiny screw inside a contraption that you are assembling, forcing you to dissemble the contraption to retrieve the tiny screw.
* Convenience store coffee.
* Lockouts.
* Relocation.
* The feeling of the national sentiment turning against you because of some poorly attended games.
* The lack of the Sacramento Kings.
* Did I mention George Maloof?

The above gif is of George Maloof.

This is a good list. 

fuckyeanba:

Tom Ziller is the lead writer for SB Nation, and a co-founder of Sactown Royalty. Today he gave readers a list of things that are worse than the Sacramento Kings:

* The Washington Wizards.

* Climate change.

* Sleeping through your alarm on the first day of work at a new job.

* Mayonnaise.

* Miracle Whip.

* The ‘Check Engine’ light.

* People who eat babies.

* A good portion of children’s television.

* A majority of adult television.

* Apple’s maps.

* Finding out the hard way that, yes, your dog can reach that box of donuts, that bag of bagels and that thawing pork shoulder.

* Not giving a few bucks to Royal Jelly 2012.

* The fact that the Lakers exist.

* George Maloof.

* George Maloof’s grin.

* George Maloof’s face.

* George Maloof’s essence.

* George Maloof’s 20-year-old perm.

* Pretty much everything about George Maloof.

* Virginia Beach.

* Henry Samueli.

* The Detroit Pistons.

* War.

* Hunger.

* Poverty.

* Polio.

* The Clap. (Or so I hear …)

* Rachael Ray’s recipe for late night bacon.

* “Mini Cheeseburger Salad with Yellow Mustard Vinegarette.”

* Being forced to yawn while riding your bike through a cloud of gnats.

* Losing a tiny screw inside a contraption that you are assembling, forcing you to dissemble the contraption to retrieve the tiny screw.

* Convenience store coffee.

* Lockouts.

* Relocation.

* The feeling of the national sentiment turning against you because of some poorly attended games.

* The lack of the Sacramento Kings.

* Did I mention George Maloof?

The above gif is of George Maloof.

This is a good list. 

doubleclutch:

We’ve just seen Lebron James’ Basketball career come full circle (in a sense) as he won his first title. Of course, he still has many seasons ahead of him (and more Titles to win?), but do you remember when it all started? Luckily, someone on youtube just uploaded ALL 92 MINUTES of his NBA debut. Lebron fans, this one is for you. Enjoy.

Thank you & you’re welcome. 

It just feels like they were coming up with reasons of why not to do the deal… It became clear that they’re not willing to honor what we laid out.
— Mayor Kevin Johnson, on the Maloof brothers backing out of the new Sacramento arena deal. The Maloofs have blown their beer distributorship in New Mexico, most of their stake in the Palms Casino, and the only recording artist on the Maloof Music label is Ali Lohan. Relocating the Kings - or squeezing extra money out of the people of Sacramento - is their last best shot at holding onto their squandered fortune. Ring those cowbells in anger tonight, River City!
In other news not pertaining to Kobe Bryant and finger guns,  DeMarcus Cousins had another huge game last night grabbing 12 rebounds and scoring a career-high 41 points in a loss against Phoenix. 

In other news not pertaining to Kobe Bryant and finger guns,  DeMarcus Cousins had another huge game last night grabbing 12 rebounds and scoring a career-high 41 points in a loss against Phoenix. 

(Expletive) you’re good.
— DeMarcus Cousins recalling what he said to Tim Duncan during the Spurs 117-112 win against Sacramento.

A guy named Isaiah Thomas finally ended up on the winning side of an impossible-steal-to-game-winning-layup play. The Kings won 99-98, and somewhere in Indiana, Larry Bird was proud.

The Kings are staying in Sacramento for another 30 years. If you followed his playing career at all, you know Mayor KJ is an excellent finisher.
Joe and Gavin Maloof get the updated arena they wanted, the city of Sacramento gets financial concessions from the owners and the arena operator, and Power Balance, manufacturers of discredited magical bracelets, are probably priced out of the naming rights for this new building.
This was the best possible solution. No one really wanted to see a third NBA team in Southern California, Sacramento has some of the most passionate fans in the league, and if the only other professional sports team left, Sacramento residents would finally have to figure out what a "Rivercat" is. In addition, Gavin Maloof’s love of oversized turkey legs is much more manageable when he only needs to buy tickets to the state fair, rather than a season pass to Disneyland.
Better luck next time, AnaheimRoyalty.com
(S.K.)

The Kings are staying in Sacramento for another 30 years. If you followed his playing career at all, you know Mayor KJ is an excellent finisher.

Joe and Gavin Maloof get the updated arena they wanted, the city of Sacramento gets financial concessions from the owners and the arena operator, and Power Balance, manufacturers of discredited magical bracelets, are probably priced out of the naming rights for this new building.

This was the best possible solution. No one really wanted to see a third NBA team in Southern California, Sacramento has some of the most passionate fans in the league, and if the only other professional sports team left, Sacramento residents would finally have to figure out what a "Rivercat" is. In addition, Gavin Maloof’s love of oversized turkey legs is much more manageable when he only needs to buy tickets to the state fair, rather than a season pass to Disneyland.

Better luck next time, AnaheimRoyalty.com

(S.K.)

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