Since the NBA is in a lockout, let’s all wish the New York Yankees “good luck” in the playoffs!

The Finals

That’s it. That’s it, right there. LeBron James, immediately after his three-pointer to put Miami up six. That’s the look of a killer…

gotemcoach:

I had a Math teacher in high school.  He was, as Math teachers sometimes are, nerdy.  A fine dresser, his shirt was always tucked in.  Physically fit, but on the smaller side.  Hair immaculately combed, and a crisp voice.  Really great voice.  Could have been on the radio.

He was an adult straight out of the Ohio Adult Handbook.  A gentleman.  Responsible.  Small family.  Good job.  Honest living.

He was teaching us…well, something about Math.  I remember he used football as a reference point.  Talked about scoring.  Then, he talked about the Cleveland Browns. 

I’m paraphrasing here, because I was 14 years old and almost certainly practicing my own autograph (certain I would play in the NBA), but I remember him saying, “I went to one Browns game.  Got tickets in the Dawg Pound.  It was the most vile thing I can remember.  They were all swearing and drinking beer.  Later on, a bunch of them started throwing batteries at players on the field.  They were animals.  I’ll never go again.”

I remember him saying “vile.”  I remember him calling them “animals,” and I remember wondering what it felt like to get hit by a battery thrown over a distance.

That winter, I watched a different Browns game on television where the fans went nuts, and remembered my teacher’s impassioned, non-math speech. 

I remembered his words again last night.

I’ve never questioned why fans react the way they do.  I’ve never questioned Philly fans who boo, or New York fans who expect so much from their players.

Being a fan is entirely personal.

It’s built on years of dedication.  It’s a family tie.  It’s your father’s favorite hat.  It’s your hometown.

Whatever it is, I know I’m not supposed to understand it.  It’s yours. 

I didn’t know it then, but I’d like to teach my math teacher that now.

I don’t know what’s going to happen tonight.  I just know that it’s not our fight.  Not our business.  Tonight is a very personal conversation between Lebron James and his home.  And it’s a long time coming.

What I do know is that the people of Akron and Cleveland area, like the people of my home in Northwest Ohio, are salt of the earth, and are probably more concerned with making ends meet, than Lebron James’ return. 

But, watch out for those batteries, Lebron.

Got ‘Em Coach

gotemcoach:

2010-2011 Player Profile: LeBron James

The hate we’ve heaped on LeBron James casts a long shadow.  LeBron James is ready to step out into the light.  I’ll explain.

Let’s go back.  May 13th.  Game 6.  Cleveland Cavaliers v. Boston Celtics.  On that fateful night, two important things happened:

1.) When that buzzer rang, a domino fell, setting off a chain reaction that will affect the NBA for at least the next decade.

2.) I realized LeBron James is Shaquille O’Neal.

Lets compare…

HISTORY 

For their first 7 seasons, LeBron James and Shaquille O’Neal failed to reach the lofty expectations NBA fans, and society at large, had for them.

Each player made one Finals in their first 7 years, only to be decimated by their opponent (LeBron swept by Spurs in ‘07.  Shaq swept by Rockets in ‘95).  Each player then followed up their aforementioned Finals beating with crushing Conference Finals losses (LeBron lost to Orlando in ‘09 ECF and Boston in ‘10 ECF.  Shaq swept by the Bulls in ‘96 ECF and the Jazz ‘98 WCF)

PERSONALITY

Each player was extremely popular with young fans, and the life of the party on their own team.  LeBron took team pictures and danced every chance he got.  Shaq did that Omega Psi Phi fraternity thing, and put his teammates in his music videos.  Outstanding.

For seven seasons, both were criticized for not taking their careers seriously.  LeBron lost, refused to shake hands with Orlando, then showed up a couple days later wearing his own MVP shirt (because, really, it’s all about those MVPs).  Shaq got beat, and put Superman logos on everything he owned, including a custom made conversion van/sub-woofer on wheels. 

LeBron wants to be the global icon.  Shaq had TWiSM (The World is Mine).

GAME

Shaq was/LeBron is considered roundly unstoppable.  Not just great, each player completely changed the complexion of the games they played in.  When Shaq was in the post, your defense crumbled.  When he had two feet in the paint, you were cooked.  If LeBron is isolated in a 1-4 set, the defense is in terror.  If he starts to drive, well, you’re best to foul him early.

Each even had a single chink in their offensive armor.  Shaq’s FT percentage.  Bron’s post game.  “If he just got that down, there’d be no way to stop him…”  Ever heard that before about either of these guys?

PHYSICALITY

Freaks.  Abnormal.  Beasts.  You pick.  They all apply.

Each used a combination of size, speed, power and finesse never before seen in this league. 

For crying out loud - why were any of us surprised James left Cleveland?  Shaq left Orlando for dead.

Now that we’ve established a borderline preposterous number of parallels between these two, it’s important, for our profiling purposes, to look at what happened in Shaq’s 8th season, so that we may prognosticate LeBron’s 2010-2011.

Uh oh.

Oh no.

Anybody remember ‘99-‘00 Shaquille O’Neal?  As a Laker fan, I remember him well.  The guy was an absolute monster truck.  It was the peak of his criticism.  Too many people told him he couldn’t do it, and Shaq started piling up the body bags.  Diesel lead the league in both shooting percentage, 57% from the field, and scoring, 29.7 per game.  He was second in rebounds with 13.6 per, third in blocks with 3 per, and threw in an average of 3.8 each game for good measure.  As far as I’m concerned, that Laker squad could beat any team in the history of basketball because Shaquille O’Neal was so utterly dominant.

Well, that’s what we’ll see from LeBron James this season.  I expect him to make us all shudder.  I expect monster truck.

The worst thing that happened to the NBA this offseason was not “The Decision.”  It’s that we made LeBron James care.  He would have spent the rest of his life wearing MVP t-shirts, choreographing pre-game rituals and assuming he was the best player in the league because his childhood friends/business associates told him so.

But no.  We had to hate him, and now he cares.  Good job, everybody.

Remember how you felt when LeBron smashed the Pistons, in arguably his greatest performance ever?  Well, that’s what we’re all bringing back.  I’m telling you, Lebron killing someone is not out of the question.  I’m talking about him dunking on somebody, and that person actually dying.

I hated LeBron’s “Decision,” in part because it was a world-class screw-up wrapped in a wretched PR nightmare, but mainly because LeBron quit trying to be the Greatest of All-Time.  Then it occurred to me, as I watched his training camp workouts, and early preseason…what if he didn’t?  We all assume LeBron’s numbers will take a hit from sharing the spotlight, costing him the “Greatest” title.  But what if they don’t?  What if his numbers go up?  What if he gets better?  If anybody can do it…

Whether you like it or not, LeBron is probably ahead of any other player, at this stage of his career.  He’s certainly the most physically gifted  I’ve ever seen.  Monster.  Truck.

So, here’s the gameplan everybody.  Follow my lead.

You’re the King, Lebron.  A real MVP.  Nothing to prove here…

Now go take shelter.

Got ‘Em Coach

NBA OFF-SEASON PREVIEW: CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

Things ain’t so bad in Cleveland.  Right?  Here’s my argument:

Sure, whatshisname left, but look at the bright side -  You have a young team, a new coach, an owner who believes in the franchise (to say the least), some new (old Minnesota Gophers) jerseys, and you got rid of all of those annoying bandwagon fans.  There’ll be only true Cavs supporters at the Q this season.  Plus, this summer was so rotten, basketball fans all over the country are now actively pulling for your team.  It’ll be low expectations.  All positivity.  Plus, there’s NO WAY the Cavs are a disappointment  this season.  That’s a good environment to incubate a team. 

I think J.J. Hickson makes The Leap this year.  Nice footwork around the basket.  Finishes well.  His stats per 36 minutes?  14.7 pts, 8.5 rebs.  Kevin Garnett’s 2010 averages?  14.3 pts., 7.3 rebs.  J.J.’s 22, plays hard, runs the floor well, and has an outside shot at being a better Jeff Green this season.  I know Coach Scott is not thrilled with Hickson’s play right now, but that’s because Byron loves him so much, right?  That’s the excuse my parents gave me when I was 6 and spilled the OJ in the fridge…IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, MOM!!!*

Playing well on a crappy team isn’t easy.  Losing can get you down.  Rob you of your will.  Good thing Cleveland has three guys who don’t just have experience playing under these circumstances, but excel in them.  Mo Williams, 27 and Ramon Sessions, 23, have very similar backgrounds.  Each had a breakout year for maligned Bucks team, and each played themselves into a sliver of limelight, and a new contract.  Neither has true point guard skills, but each has the ability to play the 1 or the 2.  They’re shifty.  Nice perimeter games.  Why can’t these two be the Lite Beer versions of Steve Francis and Cuttino Mobley?

(photo by @DocFunk)

And we can’t forget Antawn Jamison.  This guy plays his best when absolutely nothing is on the line.  He’s the Duke of Performing on Crappy Teams (there are only a couple of ranks higher than that - Prince, King, War Chief).  His best season was ‘00-‘01, when he hung 24.9 pts., 8.7 rebs., 2 asts., and 1.5 stls per game for a team that went 17-65.  He averaged 22 and 8 over two more campaigns, ‘02-‘03 & ‘08-‘09, and those teams finished a combined 57-106. 

Guys, we’re talking Crap Squad Hall of Fame here.  And I’m only slightly kidding.  This guy knows how to stay engaged.  Losing doesn’t faze him at all.

Plus, there’s Anderson Varejao.  You’re not allowed to like Joakim Noah and hate Andy V.  It’s a League rule.  Anthony Parker is in a contract year.  He’ll play super hard because nobody wants to go back to Israel to ball.  He and Jamario Moon are wings built to run, and that’s exactly what Byron Scott will have them do.

Scott is as good as they come with reclamation projects.  He took the Nets to The Finals in his second and third year in NJ, plus coached the Hornets to a 56 win season, and first place in the Southwest Division.  All 3 teams ran the ball.

BONUS: Shaq’s gone.  You saw what that does for team chemistry in Phoenix last year. 

Let’s recap.  Cleveland has two young, versatile guards who know how to shine on bad teams, a veritable Garbage Time All-Star, Varejao’s hair, Anthony Parker’s fear of Israel, a Shaq-shaped hole in the locker room, and a new coach with a winning pedigree, ready to run. 

On top of all that, there’s a stink in Cleveland right now that no one wants to sit through.  It’s the stink of LeBron James farting on the city.  If this Cavs team has heart, and that’s the leap I’m making this season, then the Cavaliers will play good, hard-nosed, honest, spit-on-your-hands basketball to rid the city of said stink, making Northeast Ohioans proud.

Prediction?  I think the Cavs will be better than the Raptors, 76ers and Pistons.  They can be just as good as the Nets, Wizards, Pacers, and but a mere click behind the Bobcats, Bucks, Knicks and Hawks, which means…I think they have a shot at the 8-seed in the Eastern Conference.  I really do.

Wouldn’t you like to see LeBron and the Heat play at least two Playoff games in Cleveland next Spring?  That’s reason enough to believe in the Cavs.

I think I just convinced somebody things ain’t so bad in Cleveland.  Is it you?

(Got ‘Em Coach)

*Exclamation points used with the expressed, written consent of the Exclamation Point Master himself, LeBron James.

Haters gonna’ Hate

gotemcoach:

Team Dillinger is so scary…

Every time I start to get nervous, I stop, and realize these cats are all socks and watches and belts.  I mean, look at these three.

Cream Cheese Soft.

Whoops.  Got ‘Em Coach.

LeBron is such a chill bro, he reads Hipster Runoff while icing down after practice