I recently sat down with 1st round draft pick of the Charlotte Bobcats, Bismack Biyombo. We talked about a lot of stuff, that I made up.
SlapClap: Hi. What’s your name?
BB: “Bismack Biyombo.”
SlapClap: I’m sorry?
BB: “Bismack Biyombo?”
SlapClap: …is your name?
SlapClap: One more time?
BB: “My name is Bis-mack Bi-yom-bo.”
SlapClap: That’s what I thought you said. Excuse me for one moment. I’m just going to throw the rest of these questions in the trash.
BB: “What questions?”
SlapClap: Basketball stuff. Not important anymore. So where are you from- a children’s fable?
SlapClap: Your father, he owned a pancake slash herbal erection factory? Or did your mother coach vocal exercises?
BB: “Should we talk about basketball? I am a power forward.”
SlapClap: If I say your name three times what will happen to me?
BB: “Listen, I am from the Republic of Congo. I once scored 84 points in a game with 29 rebounds and 40 blocked shots. Michael Jordan just drafted me into the NBA. Is my name really all that matters to you?”
SlapClap: I- I apologize. No more questions about your name. I promise. Let me get this back on track. Who was your favorite player growing up?
BB: “Well, I was a big fan of Bison Dele.”
BB: “Also, Boutmtje-Boumtje.”
BB: “And Uwe Blab and Pops Mensah Bonsu…”
SlapClap: What about Nick Anderson. Did you like him?
BB: “I don’t recognize the name. Maybe if I saw a picture.”
BB: “But my absolute favorite player growing up was Bimbo Coles.”
BB: “I even made the PA announcer call me by his nickname during games. He was a soccer match announcer. Are you okay? Your nose is bleeding.”
SlapClap: I can’t— interview over.