So Shaq is dating Hoopz from VH1’s Flavor of Love.  This story combines two of my four favorite things in the world:

1. Root beer
2. Basketball
3. Awful reality show personalities & their names (both made-up and government)
4. Dinosaurs

From the TMZ “report”:

Shaq had an orange juice… an OJ that would play a key role in the prank when Shaq got up to use the bathroom.

We’re told Hoopz pulled the ‘ol “Dump the salt in the OJ” routine — and when Shaq returned from the can, he took a big, fat sip of the tainted concoction. We’re told everybody laughed at the gag … including the big man.

But the best part of the meal — when it came time to pay the $20 bill … Shaq left a $30 tip.

My favorite excerpt from the “story?”  This one’s for you winstonwolfe:

We’re told they each ordered scrambled eggs with cheese and a waffle.

Makes sense, right?  Why not pair your protein with animal fat?  And if you’re going that far, might as well smash a Belgian while you’re at it.  Hey, at least he looks fit and trim under that struggling tank top…

(brainworks)

The great Wilt Chamberlain & a young Chris Rock Rasheed Wallace.

(w.w.)

“…it’s not fucking true, I don’t want to quit! Stern has dirt on me, dude. Please, please don”t make me leave $13 milly on the table. This ain’t right!! Just CTC, baby. Cut. The. Check.”

(ww)

Each one of these kids can now gets a paycheck from the Miami Heat and can take team flights.  Really awesome charity.

nbaoffseason:

 Miami Heat basketball player LeBron James, right, finishes his ride during the LeBron James Family Foundation, King for Kids Bike-a-thon, in Akron, Ohio, Saturday, Aug. 7, 2010. (AP Photo/Phil Long)

C’mon, how can you dislike this guy?? (don’t answer that, brainworks)

(w.w.)

nicknames for these two new teammates?

Shaq & the Beanstalk©

done & done

ww

 Miami Heat basketball player LeBron James, right, finishes his ride during the LeBron James Family Foundation, King for Kids Bike-a-thon, in Akron, Ohio, Saturday, Aug. 7, 2010. (AP Photo/Phil Long)

C’mon, how can you dislike this guy?? (don’t answer that, brainworks)

(w.w.)

nbaoffseason:

Dear winstonwolfe,

I promise to come to camp in shape, to give max efforts, and to play my role without disturbing team chemistry…basically.  Will you give me a chance?

Yours truly,

Shaquille Robert O’Neal

(brainworks)

Shaq,

Unless it’s 2004, tell me how my ass tastes.

sincerely,

The Wolfe

Dear winstonwolfe,

I promise to come to camp in shape, to give max efforts, and to play my role without disturbing team chemistry…basically.  Will you give me a chance?

Yours truly,

Shaquille Robert O’Neal

(brainworks)

The Dream Shake.

To make up for all my dumb Andrew Bynum trade proposals, an added bonus for Laker Nation: Video from last off-season of Hakeem Olajuwon practicing with Kobe, teaching him some of his moves in the paint.

(winston wolfe)