NBA Films We’d Like To See - Will James’ Hot Dog Time Machine
The bros at NBA Off Season love film almost as much as they love basketball, but when these two loves come together, the results are often disastrous. Instead of bitching and complaining about sub par films like Eddie and Juwanna Mann, they’re going to pitch the basketball movies they would like to see to Hollywood make instead.
WILL JAMES’ HOT DOG TIME MACHINE
Genre: Sports/Comedy
High Concept Pitch: Hot Tub Time Machine meets Back To The Future meets Celtic Pride
Log line: A populae sports blogger/die hard Boston Celtics fan eats a magical hot dog and is transferred to crucial moments in the history of the Celtics franchise.
After losing big at a game of 21, WILL JAMES is dragged away from the table by his drinking buddies IAN ZIERING, BONER STAINS (played by Jason Sudeikis) and RONNIE from “Jersey Shore” and into several alcoholic beverages. The foursome moves from casino to casino, nearly drinking each and every single bar on the Strip out of their whiskey and vodka.
After a failed trip to Crazy Girls, the gang stumbles upon a 24-hour Belgian beer hall and sausage house, DER NASSES LOCH. The drinking continues as our heroes play games of ships and beer pong and dominate the beer hall! Following the suggestion of Boner Stains, the gang makes their way over to the sausage display case. A large menu hangs above the golden case; the menu is all in German and the gang merely points at things they would like to eat. However, Will steps forward and demands that they eat two of their hottest and spiciest sausage available. An OLD GERMAN MAN with a Santa Claus style beard and a dirty apron nods and shouts, “Acht python!”
Moments later, 8 pieces of python sausage is brought to the table covered in peppers and onions. The smell of the meat forces Ronnie and Ian Ziering to leave the table and head to the bathroom. Will stares Boner and nods as he pours an entire bottle of Sriracha on his two python sausages. Boner says that he’s going to eat them as is.
After his first bite, Will’s eyes begin to water and steam escapes from his ear. He reaches for his boot of beer, but he fades into oblivion….
Will, clutching onto his sausage tightly travels at high speed through a WORM HOLE.
Dropping out of the sky, Will lands in Boston; right outside the offices of the Boston Celtic, to be specific. It seems familiar to Will, but something is different about this Boston. It seems older. A man in a business suit passes by Will; he asks what day is it, then what year is it. The man in a business suit says: “June 19th, 1997. Why?” Will says: “Great! I still have time to stop the Celtics from hiring Rick Pitino!”
Man In Suit: “Pitino!? Oh, what a great idea. I better tell my boss.”
Will: “No. It’s a bad idea. Trust me. Just take my word on this.”
Man In Suit: “What are you talking about? He’s been great at Kentucky and did a pretty job in New York.”
Will: “Look, I know this sounds crazy like the first Terminator movie, but I’m from the future and you just have to trust me on this. He’s going to trade a future finals MVP for Kenny Anderson. Man, if Boner was here now, this would make so much sense”
A wormhole opens in the sky and Boner Stains comes flying out of the sky clutching on a bottle of Sriracha.
Will asks: “Hey Boner, wasn’t the decision to trade Chauncey Billups really awful for the Cs?”
Boner nods as he takes a shot of Sriracha and says: “Totally fucked up my fantasy team that year. Fucking Kenny Anderson, man.”
With each bite of the magical python sausage, Will and Boner travel to key moments in the history of the franchise: like getting into bar room fights for Larry Bird and paving his drive way back in Indiana, getting Dave Cowens back on the court and instead of driving a cab.
During a cab ride with Cowens, Will discovers a strange photo of himself with KEVIN DURANT in a Celtics uniform, but it’s only half developed. Will wonders if this means he told the Cs to throw ‘06-07 season and draft the rookie, thus forgoing the 07-08 championship run….However, there’s only two bites left of the python sausage……
