Episode 2 Recap: Yes, AND… So What?
Let’s not beat around the Kwanzaa bush like last week. It’s the holidays. We all want to be happy. So lets get this recap about cynical a-holes who make no one feel happy done and in the rear view mirror. Shall we?
Shaunie O’Neal rides horses with a guy named Marlon. It’s very Mad Men except that Marlon has on a wife beater. He also has no control of his horse, screaming “WHOA!” to it like he’s The Black Rob Whisperer.
The girls go to a jewelry party hosted by Rafer Alston’s wife. Like everything else on South Beach, a “jewelry party” sounds like a euphemism for cocaine to me. Also, this reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to bring up on the blog: Where the fuck is Rafer Alston? Wasn’t he starting point guard on a team that made the NBA Finals two years ago? You’re telling me Minnesota couldn’t use a 6th point guard?
Jennifer Williams meets with Juli and Kim, two veteran basketball wives married to former players Mitch Richmond and Byron Russell. The aim is to give Jennifer marital advice that might help her rocky marriage to husband Eric Williams. Advice like “Don’t tell him Michael Jordan calls the house and wants to hang out” or “Don’t bring up Michael Jordan’s Hall of Fame speech when he’s in a bad mood”
OMG Dennis Scott just walked in!
Kenny Anderson finally realizes his own shortcomings as a husband and father, and apologizes to his ex-wife Tami over dinner. Here’s how shocking it is: Tami cries. It’s a no-look assist from the heart. I mean that quite literally. He can barely get the apology out. He doesn’t so much apologize as spit out an apology through his teeth like a cowboy in True Grit.
We also find out that Matt Barnes called off his wedding to fiancée Gloria over the summer. No mention made of this.
*footnote: according to the Lakers halftime report on holiday gift drives she is still his fiancée! They’re like Big and Carrie with hustle points.
Evelyn is still mad about Vegas. Again with the Vegas? Realize, no one has said anything specific on this show about what ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN VEGAS? Is this a season long arc? Do we find out at the end? And what about that dog that keeps running loose on the island? Is that supposed to be Jacob? Fuck this, I’m watching CSI.
*footnote: Evelyn is now engaged to Chad Ochocinco. Turn, turn, turn…
Finally, I save the best for last because Michael Olowakandi’s ex-wife Suzie takes an improv class in this episode. It is some of the worst improv since my girlfriend found a porn URL in my browser history. She ignores everything to put on lip gloss and can’t play a simple game of Zip, Zap, Zop. It’s pointless trying to explain. Here. Enjoy it in pictures:
~Authored by SlapClap
